celery cheeks

I am waiting for an adjustment tomorrow after my first month with power chains. The space in my lower teeth seems pretty persistent, though the constant-but-different teeth aches over the last 2 weeks encourage me that something is going on. :)

The lack of a surgery date has not kept me from dreaming about jaw surgery. It's weird how it's taken over my dreams lately. The inside of my mouth has lots of tender spots from I guess, night time "chewing". When I slide my tongue inside my cheeks, it feels like a piece of celery, with all its' tiny ridges.

A good thing about my gray power chains is that they don't stain as badly as the ligs did. For my birthday last week, DH and I ate fabulous Korean curries, drank red wine, and split a decadent dessert & coffee, without any telling dental signs!

My toddlers are in their first swim lesson this week, which means I'm skipping my exercise classes and pretending to be a teenager again. Where did those long summers at the pool go?

jaws are all around you!

Now that I am on this jaw surgery journey, I notice folks with jaw problems everywhere. I mean it. Kinda like when I was pregnant with my first baby and, kaboom, there were pregnant ladies all around me. :)

Sometimes this amuses me and other times it disturbs me. The other night I ran to the grocery store after the kids were in bed. On almost every aisle another shopper and I stumbled into each other. This woman had kind eyes, a bit tired, and smiled each time we passed. What struck me though was how far her lips hung from her mouth. Her lower jaw was so recessed that her lips appeared to be spilling off her face.


I fought the urge to give her a giant hug and pester her with questions. Had she struggled to breath through her nose, too? Did she have headaches? Had her jaw recessed more over time or was it always like that? She was middle aged, so I also wondered if she'd considered surgery or over time accepted her situation. Of course, there was NO WAY I would ever actually speak those thoughts to her. And situation isn't the right word, but you know what I'm trying to say. As I paid for my groceries, she pulled in line behind me and I snuck another glance. I thought, "Wow, I am really blessed. My lips can meet if I pull 'em with all my might." As I drove out of the parking lot, her car stopped behind mine at the traffic signal. It was really weird.


Reading about Leah's, Holly's and Heather's recent experiences has helped me grow more comfortable with the idea of surgery and all. And yet I still fret about how other people will react to me after the fact. I wonder how others will judge my decision - maybe because I struggle with judgment in my own heart?

The other jaw stuff on my mind has been a renewed interest in mouth breathing. I am slowly solving the riddle about my "long face syndrome". More on this later...

Thanks

Hi everyone,

I am breaking from my usual journal format to send a hearty THANKS to each of you who have shared an encouraging word or a helpful comment. Your thoughts have really meant a lot to me. They have helped me find perspective on what can be a highly subjective experience.

We are celebrating my youngest daughter's first birthday this week, and I decided to make a photo collage with one photo from each month of the past year. It is amazing to see just how fast time passes. Even though each day brings a slightly new dental discovery, all in all, the last four months have fluttered past as I went about my usual routines. The photographs made me smile, albeit with melancholy for the passing of such a sweet, sweet time. You readers with children know just what I'm talking about. :)

My self esteem is in a better place today, and as I scanned through hundreds of photographs, a couple of thoughts struck me:

• I miss not having braces, but am sooooooo glad I'm finally got 'em!


• when I smile with sincerity, my jaw problems are way less noticeable!


• life is too short for me to take myself as seriously as I have been!

So I just wanted to say merci beaucoup - grazie - gracias - danke to everyone. Let's smile!

Good news to report

Several positive developments over the last week have really cheered me up.

First, I finally have my powerchains in place. Hopefully, these will close the gaps in my lower teeth. The first 4-5 days were uncomfortable but manageable. Because my lower jaw is asymmetrical, I think the tooth that is in the center of the jaw serves a fulcrum. Most days it feels like the tooth is falling out of my mouth. Strange. Can you see the midlines in this pic? I think they're improving slightly. My two center upper teeth are unfolding also, broadening my smile. All in all positive steps forward!

Second, I spoke with the chief resident down in Charleston. It took 6 calls with messages before a real nurse manager came on the line. When I explained all I wanted was to know the "next steps", she put the resident on the line. I was thrilled to hear Dr. C's voice. He confirmed that his office had wisely copied all my files during that initial visit in April, so the ball is in their court. Dr. C is super nice. When on the verge of tears I told him I'd gladly trade some IQ points for a normal jaw, he chuckled and offered some much needed encouragement. :) I feel better about having him assist Dr.T.

Drum roll please.......the big news is Dr.C gave me a tentative date for mid-to-late August!

This may be pushed back - it seems like my teeth are creeping along - but having a date allowed me to finalize some summer plans. Yes to one family trip; no to the other. Knowing I have at least 12 more weeks to surgery has motivated me to make some other summer arrangements. I found a wonderful woman to care for my children one day a week. In turn, this means I can follow through on some much-anticipated projects! I have enrolled in a smocking class and a beginners' sewing dress construction class. Also, I have set aside time to finish some genealogy research.

Third, we spent the weekend down on the coast, at my favorite place in the world. Many happy childhood memories flooded my thoughts. To share this place with my own children and some good friends was just marvelous! The view from the front porch is amazing.

Fourth, my children have been especially well-behaved. My toddler has taken to imitating her music teacher (she attended a little mother's morning out program this past year). It is adorable! "Sweetpea" lines up her chairs, sets a doll in each one, and then begins reading and singing to them. Little sister "Buttercup" plays along rather nicely. My husband snapped this pic of us one afternoon as I reviewed animal sounds with the baby. Aren't the two little heads adorable?

Fifth, yesterday was a super day all around. It began with a visit to the dentist for a 3 month cleaning. Praise God for another healthy checkup! The dentist power washed my teeth using a baking soda spray. It turns out my dentist Dr. Kevin studied with Dr. T in dental school. Lots of good discussion yesterday on post-surgery hygiene. My teeth felt lovely all afternoon. I followed that appointment by a much needed haircut. After an inspirational trip to the grocery store, my family enjoyed their first three-course meal in sometime. The evening ended with a sweet coffee date with a good friend. Are you reading this MB? :) Her affectionate humor and sensitive questions wrapped me up like a giant hug. :) Thank you MB!

just for fun

I am sorry my last post sounded melodramatic. Too much time spent obsessing over all things orthodontic, I guess. There are a thousands of things to be thankful for, and many more aspects of living that make me smile...sometimes I forget to share the lighter side of my life.

My 2 1/2 year old firecracker suggested we pull out our crayons this morning. Who knew coloring could cheer me up?

Second surgical consultation

It’s been a two weeks since my consult with a second surgeon in Charleston (also named Dr. T, go figure). I needed some time after the shock of that appointment to process everything. I felt like tiny sand crystal along a wide beach. Poor directions, an impolite receptionist, a thirty minute wait, several bewildered residents, then a stoic resident, and finally…the attending surgeon. There was some kind of confusion about who had my chart, but once they found it, and all four surgeons were in the examination room, we were in business!

On a positive note, the team spent twice the time with me as the private practice Dr. T.

Here are some of the more memorable quotes:
*** “Look, see this? And this? She’s a classic long face syndrome”
*** “I saw it as soon as I walked in…” (I sat at the end of a long, narrow room that did look like a storage closet)
*** “yeah, yeah, these things usually go together” (during a discussion of my large tonsils, constant state of minor congestion, headaches, underdeveloped lower jaw, and overdeveloped upper jaw).

My primary goals for the appointment were to receive a second opinion, to decide whether to not to have my upper jaw moved, and to select a surgeon. The first two questions have been addressed. I’ve decided to definitely go for the BSSO, to move my mandible forward. Dr. T also recommended a Lefort to address the gumminess in my smile. My initial consult recommended the Lefort, and now that the initial shock has passed, I am more receptive to the idea. If I am going to go for surgery, why not fix it all at once?

Now I need to choose who will perform the surgery.

Both surgeons are located 100 miles from my city. Because Dr. T in Charleston bills through an in-network teaching hospital, my out-of-pocket costs would be low. While I am confident in Dr. M.T’s technical ability, my patient experience at the teaching hospital was mediocre at best. How important is a good bedside manner? Is it worth paying more out of pocket? How did y’all decide which surgeon to go with?

I must not have sounded very confident about surgery because Dr. T. spent a lot of time explaining that I must decide about surgery in order that my orthodontist could develop a course of action. I said I had, rather it was deciding whether or not to move my maxilla that distressed me. At this point my goals are to create a normal, balanced profile, to protect my teeth from the rough wear & tear of misalignment, and to improve my breathing. Aesthetics motivate me, too. Now that I understand the important role of a good bite and good breathing, I am ready to do take action on a long-standing to desire to “fix my profile”.

Thankfully, I brought copies of Dr.T in Charlotte’s assessment, and the Charleston team of surgeons agreed 100% with his diagnosis. Good news, sort of. I think I was still hoping at this point someone might convince me I didn’t really need surgery. Anyway, the team was utterly confused why I was there if I’d already seen Dr.T; It is his textbook that these guys all studied.

So, I explained how my husband and I wanted more children, and how our medical insurance factored into that decision. Every one of those residents thought I was loony to want more children, and seemed totally confused why this would be a factor. Umph. By this point, I was upset. I was not just some “long face syndrome” case study in the chair, but an individual.

The last five minutes of the appointment were pretty interesting. The team decided to take fresh x-rays, and the incoming chief resident showed me how to bite while relaxing my jaw/facial muscles. Wow…this was really hard to do. I had no idea I tense so many muscles in order to bite, smile, talk, etc. Anyway, when the attending surgeon and chief resident examined the films in front of me, I noticed just how far apart my lips are when my face is truly relaxed. Wow again….it was hard to fight back my tears at that point. You know, the awareness that I had worked for so long to make my lips meet – the whole time thinking, “If only I tried harder…!

You may be thinking, ok, what’s the big deal? Well, two thoughts struck me then. First, no matter how hard I had been trying to modify my behavior, my lips were not going to meet on their own. I am kinda sensitive about being a mouth breather. I mean, for years I have believed this to be a huge personal weakness. Look around the room sometime, and yep, almost everyone else can close their mouth naturally. Not me. Second, I am now aware that all those “strange smile” photos over the years were actually snapped with me trying to pull my lips over my teeth! This also makes me want to cry because it means that while I thought the facial expression was an occasional thing, if I am constantly pulling my lips, then it is actually a constant expression. Yikes!

I looked over some photo albums and found a sample shots. Easier than I thought...

Lip incompetence is not a huge hardship, I know. :)

The closing hymn this morning was von Schlegel’s 1752 hit, Be Still My Soul, a beautiful hymn that brought me much comfort. Here is the poetic beginning:

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change, He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Things are moving - 3 months in braces

Waiting continues to be challenging. I needed some encouragement this past week, so I reviewed my teeth photos. Golly, it is fantastic to see my smile changing.

Here is my initial smile in late January & now in late April:

Here are my upper arches:

Here are my lower arches:

Lastly, here is a view of my bite:








In some ways, having braces is no big deal. Most of our family activities have continued unchanged. Friends no longer comment on them and most strangers ignore them. At other times, I am constantly aware of my braces. Every sip of coffee and bite of curry - note the yellow staining in my recent pics - is a calculated action.

Braces have revealed (to me at least) my own vanity. I'm thrilled to be fixing my teeth, but in a strange way, changing one attribute has made me acutely aware of other attributes. Attributes I'm not going to change, such as the shape of my nose, or my hair texture, or how different 30 feels from 20. In general, I feel better than I did 10 years ago but sometimes I think I'm way too self-critical.

spring is in the air

Ah, the glorious days of spring are in full bloom here in SC. April and October are my favorite months, so, I took an hour during "joint nap time" today to jump in the yard and prune my flowering shrubs. The hour today was as good for the yard as for my spirits. :)

The previous owners built our house about 25 years ago. Little treasures pop up now and then. I found this sweet little daisy tucked in beside a cheery tree. The tulip is from a dinner party we threw on Friday. Much sweeter than the plumbing fiasco with lead to this newly renovated master bath.

This month, I have about 4 weeks between adjustments. No big ortho news to share, really. Things are moving around. My pain is minimal - praise! - and I am eating most of my favorite foods. Teeth movement is localized to my back molars and my lower front teeth. There is a small space that continues to open, then all the lower teeth shift out, closing the space, and then my mouth repeats that action. Over and over. It feels strange, but must be progress?

I am in a hold pattern regarding surgery until my appointment with a new surgeon on 4.28.08. In the interim, I'm researching both doctors. And praying consistently, too.

My babies are growing so fast! Our youngest, buttercup, is really not a baby anymore, making our nursing moments that much sweeter. Here is my latest snapshot of her, which I like because it reveals her gentle dispostion.