I poured over other's before & afters for hours. It totally helped calm my nerves. Then again, nothing prepares you for looking into your own face in the mirror. Bizarre, really. I've lost 10 pounds now, but since my cheeks are fuller, I actually feel like I've gained weight. Is there such thing as a post-surgery eating disorder?!
Perhaps it is the permanence of the experience that feels so strange.
The fourth week marked the end of my pain, per se, though I still describe my general state as uncomfortable. Something is always achy, twitchy, sore, etc. I am truly a joyful person - don't let the pessimistic sound of my posts fool ya. :) Also, I can now swallow tiny motrin pills, woohooo, so no more liquid motrin cocktails for me! My energy wanes after lunch big time. Most days I try to sneak in a nap...how do you working folk do it?
The best sign of recovery this week is that I cooked an entire meal for my family. We were all thrilled.
So, for any other orthognathic-obessessed folk out there, here is what I think 4 weeks out. I'm uncertain whether one side is more swollen or if my face is that lop-sided. Everything feels swollen, and my husband say I look better in person that in these photos, but I do continue asking myself,"What if this is my final look?" The tip of my nose has come down a bit; it's likely in it's final spot. I love where my upper lip falls against my upper teeth when I smile, though the uneven muscle tone creates a very crooked smile.
At an ornament swap this morning, I totally covered my smile when laughing because a) it hurt to laugh and b) I was aware of how weird I looked. O confident self, where art thou?
Lastly, and I admit to being apprehensive about writing this, but I wish my lower jaw had been moved further or my chin moved out. My new lip compentance is fabulous - truly - doesn't the profile need some balancing? Right now, I'm trying to trust the surgeons who do this sugery all the time, on lots of different bones, and be thankful for the lack of complications I've experienced.
4 comments:
Yes, actually! (In regards to post-op eating disorders) In a very rude over-generalization, a part of post-op depreession can stem from -or be associated with- varying degrees of Body Dismorphic Disorder: you don't see yourself as you really are or fixate on specific features in an unhealthy way (also a trait of anorexia, etc.. if the drive to starve is seeing oneself as 'fat'...) Combine the fact that things have physically changed with crzy med cocktails, sleep deprivation, constant discomfort, and one can feed the other: a "chicken-or-the-egg" type situation. Plastic surgeons are encouraged to screen patients for this, and refer to councelling if expectations seem flawed before proceeding with the requested procedures.
All that ramble aside - and you were probably just joking- Don't think I'm saying this is your issue!!! Merely a subject that interests me :)
The personal explorations you're mentioning sound like a completely normal part of the process, and seem like a right of passage once you get to the 4-6 week point. The pain is receeding, majority of swelling has abated, the huge milestones of the first weeks are farther and fewer between- you just want things to go back to normal. There's more time, energy and focus on wanting to see the end result already.
With looking lopsided, My guess is on swelling. For whatever reason this is a VERY common worry ....really :) Some speculate: that it has to do with whether the surgeon is left or right handed, meaning that the one side is easier for him to access. Or if there is more than one surgeon working on a person the healing is at different rates. (I don't know if you spend any time on the archwired Orthognathic Surgery forum or not, but you might find it reassuring to read others concerns with this.)
This link is from a lady in response to others struggling with their early pre-op faces showing how her face continues to settle and shift subtley, up to 8 months post op.
http://www.archwired.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?t=27529
You're looking beautiful (and I love the top)! Look how far you've come~ Just remember that you're not done yet :)
ps. I'm always scared how messages in print come off to the receiver, so I apologize if this is way off. Please tell me to shove it, if that's the case ;)
Hey Katherine,
Your post struck me as right on. No need to worry about it being lost in translation. :) I sincerely appreciate the deep thought you put into the post.
I was trying to find humor in my altered state, though I think I am going through that BDD valley somewhat. I don't feel quite like myself. Did I mention we've also been renovating our house since mid-September? Golly, all that hammering may explain some of my wackiness. :)
In an academic sense, I know this is normal for 4 weeks. Why won't my wandering mind & heart listen to reason? Patience has never been my virtue. I hope the lopsided swelling will subside within another month or so. Mille grazie for the link!
Man, I wish I catalogued the links of things of interest regarding this stuff, but it's hard to know what is important during the obsessive research phase, but I know I've read another reason for the lopsided look has to do with bone 'over growing' where an injury or break has taken place in the initial follow up, then reabsorbing as full healing happens. (I think Laura's Dr. mentioned this to her as well, as this was something she is concerned about too.)
Another thing with post-surgery displeasure is that once the jaw & surrounding area is symetrical, patients often notice flaws in other areas (eyes, nose, ears) that aren't 'quite right' that went unnoticed before. (Not exclusive to jaw surgery by any stretch of the imagination, hence high instance of successive plastic surgeries. One thing gets 'fixed' leads to wanting more fixed. Boob job leads to tummy tuck to liposuction etc... focus keeps shifting and it can become addictive to have control).
Trust me, I understand the whole "knowing in your head" versus truly believing struggle. I think that's why I'm so windy in these responses; it's not ME that has to believe at this point...but I very much worry that this WILL be my biggest struggle.
Can I be so bold as to make a suggestion? If you're worried that this could potentialy be a problem (over and above just a passing phase) is there someone you can talk to to help put the head & heart in agreement? I've noticed that your faith seems to be a huge part in your life & marriage, are you comfortable going to your Pastor (or his wife) for encouragement? Maybe I'm nuts, but if you know the truth in your head, isn't making your heart believe-even regarding something like jaw surgery- another form of faith? (I don't mean that in a flippant way AT ALL!) Sometimes it just helps to have the ear of an objective 3rd party to help put things in perspective.
Personally, once I get that surgery date, I'm going to speak to a cousellor about some of these potential concerns. Not as a matter of looking for trouble, but to make sure that I'm as prepared as can be. Along with the regular pre and post-op labs and visits to make sure we're physically healthy for and recovering from surgery, it would be nice if there was as much interest in ensuring emotional preparedness as well. We are whole and complex creations after all :)
Maybe don't worry about taking the progress pictures for a while, or get Dear Hubby to take a couple for prosperity but make a pact not to look at them until you're feeling you can be 100% objective and in a good 'heart-space'... ( and wait to share them with us until that time too, haha!)
That's right! You are in the middle of renovations right now, aren't you? Busy lady! And you're not wacky, you're normal...and honest~ I'm sure it's not easy but I thank you for that. *hug*
Isaiah 40:31
You're looking great! I had similar worries about things not being moved enough, but there is swelling in places that you can't really see (like behind your nose), and your face really does continue to shift for a long time.
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